3 years ago
Love comes in many forms. Not always the form we want or think we need, but come it does. It’s all around us if we just look for it. For me, I’ve decided that I’m no longer going to choose the love that can come between a man and a woman. Has it hurt me too deeply too many times? Yes, it has. Is that why I’m making this decision? No, it’s not. I’ve simply come to realize that I can take care of my own physical needs. Well. And I like to be on my own. I also prefer the love that comes out of friendship and mutual likes and dislikes, interests and hobbies, rather than any based on physical attraction or compatibility. To put it simply, I quote a friend: With a platonic relationship you never have to worry whether the person loves being around you because they love you and enjoy your company, or the fact that you let them stick their tongue and various other items into your mouth.
Someone once said: It’s so easy to think about love, to talk about love, and to wish for love… But it’s not always easy to recognize love, even when we hold it in our hands. That’s because love here on earth is an idea. A fantasy played out in our minds. It’s not real. You can’t touch it. It’s a myth.
Take for instance relationships. People get into relationships and fancy themselves in love. Then for various reasons the relationship doesn’t work out, and the couple parts ways. What do they then do? They begin thinking of the last few others they have dated: the guys or girls who didn’t work out before. They start remembering the great things about those relationships and wondering what went wrong. They fancy themselves still in love with them. What they don’t realize is that if they were really in love with that person from before, they wouldn’t have been with the other person they were with the past few months. If they absolutely loved them, they’d rather have been alone than been with anyone else.
And what sorts of things break couples up? Not varied interests. Opposites attract. Not even arguing. Some of the best couples have wonderful disagreements and many, many years of happiness together. Even varied morals can sometimes be overcome, but it is extremely difficult. So what is it that makes couples break up? To put it simply: doubt. You can always give someone the benefit of the doubt initially. Give a person your trust unless they’ve done something to deserve it being taken away. However: Pure love and suspicion cannot dwell together: at the door where the latter enters, the former makes its exit.
The minute suspicion enters into the equation, the relationship is doomed to failure and might as well be let go. This is accomplished with sometimes minor doing. For some people, it could simply be a statement that you find someone attractive. I greatly disagree with this and feel that most people need to get over themselves. The human body is beautiful, God made each and every one of us unique, and appreciation of that is not a crime, simply an observance. However, there are many other things that are not so minor. Getting someone’s number in a bar wouldn’t be minor. Chatting with someone online and letting them think you are single and they have a chance with you, that’s not minor. Having sex with someone from the office, that’s not minor. The minute real doubt comes in, suspicion, the relationship is doomed.
This is probably why I have come to the decision to stop searching for a perfect love that I know does not exist. I’d rather be alone that just keep being let down. Does it say something bad about my humility? Probably. Yet, I am one of THOSE types. I know that I am a diamond in the rough. The guy who says goodbye to me is out of his mind sort. Not because I’ve got a big head and think I’m all that. Because I know what I have to offer someone is one of the greatest gifts you can give when it comes to a relationship. Not love. Not sex. LOYALTY. Unconditional loyalty. THAT is what every relationship could use to survive. Beyond that, everything else is just fluff. Icing on the cake. If everyone in a relationship gave their partner unconditional loyalty, the world would be a much happier place.
I however, know that there just aren’t many others in the world that think like this. Which is why I’ve given up looking for it. I’d rather be alone than end up a suspicious, loyal shrew; because those two qualities don’t go well hand in hand. They are a recipe for misery. Suspicion enters, but I am too loyal to acknowledge it. Even when it’s flung in my face, I tend to look the other way and choose to be loyal. Masochism is what it becomes.
So what will be a healthy relationship for me in the future? I’ve no idea really. I’ve never started down this road before. Will it look like friendship? Yes. Of that I am sure. Whatever else happens, it will be friendship at the core.